Rough sex tends to be fantasy-based, with urges of dominance and submission typically fueling it. But it’s also fueled by the desire for more vigorous, physical intensity with a partner. Either way, wanting rough sex is a perfectly normal exploration of human sexuality.
Is It Normal to Want Rough Sex?
Apparently so. A 2008 study by the University of North Texas found that 54% of sexually active women were turned on by the thought of rough or forceful sex. Experts say this reaction is a normal expression of sexuality. No matter your preferences or kinks, there are thousands — even millions — of people with that same interest.
Why does the idea of rough sex get them hot? The reason might be biological, stemming from an innate desire to be desired, which is integral to a satisfying sex life. The frequency and intensity of the orgasms both men and women experience during rough sex might also have something to do with it. Women, in particular, have reported orgasming much faster during rough sex.
How To Let Your Partner Know You’re Interested in Rough Sex
Before you tear your partner’s clothes off and hit the sheets, let them know what you’re thinking ahead of time, preferably while you’re both fully clothed.
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Broaching the subject may be a little nerve-wracking, but your partner probably has a few things on their sex bucket list they’d like to try, too. Initiate the conversation with a casual but honest question, like:
- I think I might like having my hair pulled during sex. Is that something you might be willing to try?
- I really liked when we had sex from behind. When we do it again, could try spanking me at the same time?
- I had a dream last night where we got a little rougher during sex, and it really turned me on. Is that something that might turn you on, too?
- I found an article about sex positions for deep penetration, and it really turned me on. Can I share it with you?
Read: 10 Great Sex Positions to Try
How Can Partners Explore Rough Sex Safely?
No matter what, always communicate with your partner. Before you get it on, talk about the concerns you have, set the boundaries, and create a list of dos and don’ts together. Go over all the ground rules, and don’t leave out any of the graphic details — like letting them know exactly how hard you want your hair pulled or how comfortable you are with hard thrusting.
Also, decide on a safe word before you start. This is the trigger word that, when spoken, brings the action to a grinding halt.
Safety Concerns and Special Considerations
You’ve got your partner’s consent, set the rules and boundaries, and chose a safe word. Now, you’re ready to get that rough sex on. It’s easy to get caught up in the act, but try to stay mindful of your partner’s needs by checking in with them to make sure they’re as engaged, enthusiastic, and excited as you are.
If you’re practicing any advanced BDSM techniques, like bondage, gagging, choking, or whipping, be careful. Improper use of kink tools and techniques could lead to injury.
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Also, because of the high intensity, rough sex puts an additional strain on condoms. Always use thicker, stronger condoms when engaging in more vigorous sexual acts.
When it’s all over and the adrenaline drops, you and your partner need a little emotional fulfillment. That’s when you might want to practice some aftercare, like:
- Taking care of any minor scratches or bruises
- Rehydrating and refueling
- Watching a movie or engaging in another relaxing activity together
- Getting some comforting skin-to-skin contact by cuddling or massaging each other
More articles to read:
- 15 Best Sex Positions for Smaller Penis Owners
- How to Have a Hands-Free Orgasm?
- Is Masturbation Good for Your Skin?